Look, I’m not saying Marcus Drake was the worst fire mage in Cinderhold’s history. That would be an insult to all the other terrible fire mages who at least managed to keep their eyebrows intact for more than a week at a time.
No, Marcus was special.
He was the kind of special that made the Cinderhold Empire’s militant leadership consider creating an entirely new rank just for him: “Please Stay At Least Fifty Paces Away From Anything Flammable.” The fact that his birthmark looked less like the traditional flame pattern and more like what appeared to be a confused squirrel doing interpretive dance should have been their first warning.
“But I’ve got potential!” he’d always say, usually while something nearby mysteriously burst into flames. The mystery, of course, was how he managed to set fire to things that, by all known laws of nature and magic, shouldn’t be able to catch fire. Like rocks. Or that one time, a rain cloud.
The day everything changed started like any other in the Charrine Sultanates. Which is to say, blazing hot and with at least three different political assassination attempts before breakfast. Marcus had been assigned the prestigious position of “Guard the Empty Courtyard Because Literally Nothing There Can Explode” when the Sultan’s prized fire-drake decided to make an unexpected landing.
Now, fire-drakes are majestic creatures. Noble. Proud. This one took one look at Marcus and decided that today was the perfect day to have a nervous breakdown.
“Oh, hello!” Marcus waved cheerfully as the massive beast landed. “I’m supposed to ask if you have proper landing authorization, but I forgot where I put the forms. Also, I may have accidentally set them on fire. Would you believe paper is flammable? Who knew!”
The fire-drake, clearly regretting every life choice that led to this moment, tried to take off again. This is where things got interesting.
Marcus, in his infinite wisdom, decided this was the perfect moment to prove himself. He reached for his magic, aiming to create an impressive display of fiery welcome.
What happened instead was… well, physics took a holiday.
The fire-drake sneezed. The courtyard turned sideways. Not metaphorically – literally sideways. Every flame in a hundred-pace radius turned blue, then pink, then decided to dance a jig. And Marcus’s birthmark, that confused squirrel of a thing, suddenly lit up like a festival night and started humming.
The fire-drake, thoroughly done with this whole situation, let out what could only be described as a draconic sigh and landed again, this time looking at Marcus with something between curiosity and existential dread.
“Did… did you just bend fire?” the beast asked, speaking for the first time in recorded history. Because apparently that’s just the kind of day it was going to be.
Marcus, to his credit, only looked mildly surprised. “Oh! You can talk! That’s nice. Also, no, I didn’t bend the fire. I think I just… convinced it that sideways was more interesting? Fire gets bored, you know. Always going up, up, up. Sometimes it wants to try something new. Like dancing. Or possibly competitive juggling.”
The fire-drake blinked. Slowly. Very slowly.
And that’s how Marcus Drake, the worst fire mage in Cinderhold history, accidentally discovered that elements aren’t just forces to be controlled – they’re more like cats. Temperamental, easily bored cats that sometimes just need someone to suggest that physics are more like guidelines really.
The Sultan, upon hearing about this, did the only reasonable thing he could: he promoted Marcus to “Royal Fire Whisperer” and then immediately took a very long vacation.
Some say that to this day, you can still find patches of sideways fire in that courtyard. They’re quite friendly, actually. Just don’t ask them about their dance moves. And definitely don’t mention the time Marcus accidentally taught them to sing. The local musicians’ guild is still filing complaints.
[Note: The Cinderhold Empire’s Official History has redacted this entire incident and replaced it with “Everything Was Completely Normal That Day And Nothing Weird Happened At All.” The fire-drake has refused to comment, but has been seen taking therapy sessions with a particularly understanding water mage. Marcus, meanwhile, has been reassigned to “Special Diplomatic Relations with Unusual Fire Phenomena,” which mostly involves having tea with those sideways flames and making sure they don’t try to start a revolution.]